In the course of last week a very close auntie of mine passed away (may she R.I.P). As usual such incidents lead to getting to meet relas and other friends you rarely bump into. I had an opportunity of chatting with some old man who had a real grip on our family tree. As usual it all started with him getting mad that I knew a spoonful of members of the extended family. To make it all worse, I didn’t know his name. I have never rejected the fact that I am pathetic in mastering people’s names. Hi-I-am-natb kind of introductions never cuts for me because I will forget your name quicker than the seconds ENO uses to work. No wonder I used to see Christmas trees during chemistry lessons back in high school. Am I supposed to smile n nod when you tell me that whenever I see K am supposed to know it is potassium? Then there are like 60 other letters that am supposed to swot up. Mastering my relatives’ names is far worse. You see according to Kisii culture people are named after some dead relative. When a very famous relative dies, all babies born in the next 2 years are given his/her surname name. That means that you would come across like 5 people telling you they are called Meshack Omari. So my brain is supposed to create folders to classify people according to names. As far as I am concerned am supposed to master the names of Manchester united players and few other Kenyans who make my world tick.
So back to my old man. He took me through a very extensive lecture of the composition of our family starting from my great-grand father. I kept nodding as he listed names and more names of people. It was like he was reciting a graduation list, the difference is that most of the graduates he was reading were dead and possibly never heard the word university. He seemed impressed by how the information was ‘sinking’ into me going by the concentration levels I was portraying. Frankly, I didn’t get the names (again am not to blame). He got more interesting when he described the person am named after. According to him, he was a typical TDH (this means tall dark n handsome, shacks!). Village chicks used to be all over him like bad news. Bad luck he died young while studying in UG.
Despite all this, the old man had a strong point he was trying pass. It is necessary to know your relatives. At least those in the same age group, better still those of the opposite sex. In this current age you will not know when shit hits the fan. Imagine the rude shock that will greet you when you are informed that you have been having sex with your cousin all through. Of course that will be after having a kid with him/her. Imagine flirting with this chick in a club, then chips-fungaing her three weeks down the line you meet her in your bro’s wedding.... these are instances that makes you close your eyes and pray it never happen to you, right?
Just like your parents and siblings, relatives are not chosen. However the negative traits that your relatives may possess, you cannot stop them from being related to you. Relatives are usually the worst debtors. They will keep on dodging repaying your money till you declare it a bad debt. They will utilize any of your resources to the maximum claiming it is the family property. They will bother you with endless phone calls begging for a favour. The beauty of all this is that they expect you to rise up to the occasion even though it will mean you bend backwards. However these are the individuals who will come to your kid’s harambee. They will be the ones who will attend your funeral and volunteer to raise your orphaned kids. I guess it is a double edged sword.
Boom box playlist:
The difficult prayer- Eminem ft kid
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