Natb's upcoming Movie...

The old rugged man walked lethargically through the rain into a corner bar, partly hidden by snow. There were only three revelers in the bar engrossed with their liquor. He gazed lazily across their faces before heading to a corner where a huge man was seated facing the wall. I hope you are envisioning that scene in my upcoming movie. I’m yet to choose a title for it. I think I shall call it ‘Lotsa sex in fast cars while firing guns’ though it will not be having any of the above. It is all just to make people buy it.

Apart from sleeping (the undisputed champion) I realized watching movies is my next favorite activity. It is right ahead of eating, watching football (now that the football season is over), reading, partying,  going to church, working, listening to music, reading books, doing laundry, hanging out with friends, and even having sex (God knows the last time I had some). The bad news about it is that I gain absolutely nothing. I’m only left with a longing for more.

Just like doing anything else, too much watching of movies make you a better critic. A good movie critic will be able to smell a dreadful script from miles away, bad actors, little or no chemistry between actors, bad production, naivas accents, tuskeys weaves, uchumi costumes, etc. If one is a good critic then he/she a good actor and a good movie director/producer. Hence my aforementioned upcoming movie in which I am the producer, director and the lead actor, (that huge man in the bar). With all the hunkness and 3Dness, I think I will Ace in this shit. I do not want to ruin the bouillabaisse.

There are this bad movie habit that I have developed over time. I have to watch a movie with ear phones. I guess it is because of my boundless state of solitude. I get all the moments. That’s how I lie to myself. I fear for my ears. I once met this guy in a mat who told me that I was spoiling my ears by listening to music all the time through my earphones. I figured that he was envious, or something. His youth days had passed without him having to listen to music in a mat. Well maybe he was saying the truth.

Now that we are talking about movies today, I went to iMax a while ago to watch avengers. I need to change my friends. It came into my realization that I have 50 bob DVD friends. I couldn’t figure how I never knew anybody there. I hereby pronounce my friendship with all my friends null and void. Please do not give me the You-know-we-went-there-in-a-different-day crap.  Mnirudishie sufuria zangu, socks, na vitu zingine mliniombanga. Maybe I belong to the 50 bob DVD life with my friends. I choose to change. We all know the fake it till you make it principle works. I want to be among the elite Kenyans (that’s what I believe they are), maybe I might bump into Obako’s granddaughter *wink*.

PS: Somebody asked me whether I had accomplished any of my many resolutions. Well, I haven’t. Not even one. Not even fixing my bathroom bulb (don’t look at me like that, it is extremely complicated and it does not look as bad as it sounds.)

PSS: Last week I was passing through town and I saw a displaced new generation ID. I was like, this guy was given an ID few days ago and has managed to lose it? How now? Some people need to be penalized for such shameful acts. Yeah, fast forward to this Monday, I had my chance. I never wasted it. How could I? S M H.

Boom box Playlist:

Muthoni Kifagio – Newton Karish

Mothers' Day: A late tribute.

I have this serious question, how many mothers’ days are there in a year? I feel there are more than 10. There is definitely only one father’s day in the year with no brothers or sisters days. I was hoping that people could use yesterday’s day to contemplate on why there is a huge disparity in the number of mothers’ days and fathers’ day. I was wrong. It was the same old. There mass media was as usual using it to lure you to spend more as a way of showing your mom the appreciation she merits. For a mother, I feel that it is not the best way of showing your gratitude. Maybe it is appropriate for the girlfriend. I call the latter ‘the guzzlers’.

Yesterday my alarm woke me up at 10 am. I do not trust myself to wake up at all without an alarm. I took the next 30 minutes, gazing at the ceiling, in silence, thinking about my mum. I concluded that words cannot do justice in describing how incredible she is. And that’s how I declined the thought of writing a post about her. I however changed my mind today.

I am one of the people who subscribes to this controversial school of thought. A human being shall not be accorded full respect from the society until he/she raises a kid to adulthood. The trials and tribulations that a son/daughter makes a parent to go through and the way they handle them are the defining moments of parenthood. Once a child matures into a successful adult, he/she transforms into a plaque that the parents adore and show off to the peers. The father will always brag about how he sold all his cows to take you through school, how you crashed all exams and how you got that big ass office job in the city. The mother will brag about the mature adult you turned out to be. She will sit with her friend as she recounts how you transformed from a mucus licking brat into a handsome/beautiful adult with a level headed spouse. Mothers are more proud of your general behavior than the size of your bank account.

I aint a mama but I can relate to the expectations that my mum has of me. Whenever I have a chat with my parents, I always get the small variation in the pieces of advice that they churn out to me. He goes for the be-prepared-for-the-future card. Avoid extravagance, save as much as possible. Work hard at work and look out for any better job offers. She always goes overboard telling me about upholding my behavior, avoiding bad company, respecting my peers and praying daily. I know there is no gift however immense, however pricey that can make her more proud of me than upholding these qualities. That’s why I was saying using mothers’ day to buy your mum that dress is not the best present that you can get her. You should use such a day to reflect on your life, ask yourself whether your mum is happy with your way of life, do you still respect her? Do you listen to them still…or they are now too old? The best present that you can get her is living that life that she envisioned you to live as you were screaming for her breast, years ago.

Despite all the questioning I have for the number of mothers’ days in the year, they deserve them all, and more. I might not be able to get the experience firsthand but I know mothers go through a lot of trouble to raise a kid. The 9 months of carrying you are so hard, they have to go through mood swings because of you, they visit the toilet after every two minutes because of you, they stop getting hit on by strangers because of you. They deserve to be celebrated in a major way. All mothers should be assembled and given a tour to the moon or something, so that they go floating for an hour or so, just smiling or screaming with joy, not worrying about their children or husbands. Others are single mothers. They should be celebrated the more. Mentally, they are the strongest. They got through a lot of problems, yet they overcome.  

This is the point where I unleash one or two words about my mum. Just like yesterday, I am yet to find the words to express what she is to me. Flawless. That word comes closest in describing her character. I have no recollection of her messing something up. Or making any mistake. I have never seen her quarrel with anybody. She has no enemy. I have never seen her turn anybody away from our home. She is a hard worker, running our home like a selfish bully. She doesn’t require anybody’s help in running it. She doesn’t have a daughter; I have never heard her complain that she is overwhelmed by the four men she has in her life. We really suffer when she is not around though.

There is this theory that is floating around that men always choose spouse with characteristics similar to their mothers. I am sorry to say that it is so very true in my case. Humble. That is what she is. Pride is never her thing. If you are an undisputed loudmouth, so sorry we will never work out. I have just realized I can go on and on about her and I shall not finish. Stuff I’d rather keep with me as I smile and think about being one of the three who are blessed with the honor of having the best mother in the world. I believe she is the closest to that lady described in Proverbs 31.

As I mark my late mothers’ day, I thank God for the gift of her. I pray that she shall be granted a long and fulfilling life. Through her, I know that my family always receives His blessings. Esther is her name.

This goes to all mothers out there. We love you and appreciate all that you have done to us.

I chose all the songs in my laptop talking about mothers for my boom box playlist. Go ahead and enjoy.

Boom box playlist:

·         Mama knows best – Jessie J

·         Dear mama – Tupac

·         Hey mama – Kanye west

·         A song for mama – Boyz II men

·         Mama’s worst nightmare – Bruno mars

·         Stacy’s Mom – Fountain of Wayne

·         She got it from her mama – Juvenile

·         Baby mama – Fantasia

·         Mama Lusiya – Khadija Nin

·         Mama Africa – Akon

·         Sweet mama- Papa Shange

·         Mobimba ya mama – Awilo Longoma

·         Mama we – Ukoo Flani  

·         Mama – Spice girls

    

Forsaken Land II

This is a public display of concern for the probably nonexistent fan of this forsaken blog. Your daddy is still alive, and kicking (check out my twitter avi , nice huh?). Daddy is about to throw in the towel before the weeds in this decide to unleash a Lord of the Ring-esque fury on him for failing to come out and play (plough) with them. Oh my dear little blog, what did you do to me? May be that is not the correct question. Oh my dear big, bright, awesome, funny, incisive brains, where did you go. Just like any blogger with incapable of posting anything, I visit this place not knowing what to find. Sometimes I look forward to finding a new post. How foolish.

I shall never run out of excuses if anybody asks me of the reasons for my pronounced barrenness. I am a veteran in coming up with excuses. Whenever I am not busy not writing posts, I am failing to call people (even missed calls). So trust me, a blog post excuse is piece of cake compared to failing to call. Plus, we can all see the crisis we are going through. Anyang Nyongo, Sarkozzy, Sir alex Ferguson, Raila and other prominent personalities like me can attest. Times are hard. It is not our fault.

As usual I have been busy. With work of course. Difficult times. My line of career automatically gives me the I-am-always-busy card to distribute whenever I feel like. It doesn’t matter I am actually busy or not. The gods are also mad at me being on twitter. I have noticed that I usually have a rough day when I visit twitter in the morning. I cannot manage to stay without having a look at the online hospital for mad Kenyans.    

I think is should write a poem, or a love letter. Something emotional, maybe romantic to sooth these wall and deliver them from the bondage of solitude. That can act as the kiss and make up. The bad news is that I am not good at that shit. That’s why I cannot sustain any form of a relationship that requires me to leave my comfort zone and match into the high seas, looking for sweet nothings and acts of romance in exchange of a reduced bank balance. All that in exchange of sex. Just sex? I shall not explore more on that issue.

I hope to come back sooner than expected. Out.

Boom box playlist:

Walk – Foo Fighters.