Of the kenyan economy and our middle class..

The Kenyan shillings surpassed the 100.00 mark in the dollar exchange rates this week. That is not good, right? So many experts have come forward to articulate reasons behind its reeling behavior. One thing is for sure, Kenyan economy is effd. Our economy is so bad that we are actually surviving on grants. That means the Chinese will be on our case to the unforeseeable future. I believe that the secret to improving an economy especially in the third world countries is by encouraging spending. This is what John Keynes (sp) proposed in the early 20^th century for economies during the great depression. I am not sure about the details because I never actually attended 90% of the economic classes that I was supposed to attend, so imma let that rest.

The Kenyan economy will largely benefit from a spending population. Kenyans, just like any African are brought up knowing that half of whatever is earned should be stashed under the mattress. That is bad for the economy because it largely depends on transactions (money flow) by the citizens. One cannot improve his/her standard of living if he has hid a million shillings in a hole and he is walking around in rags with a bottle of yokozuna in one hand. It would be preferable if he used the money in, say, agriculture, wore a suit and is holding a bottle of wine in one hand in his probox. I hope am making some sense. The more one sits on cash (read avoids spending) the more he withholds money from the economy that is essential in creating wealth, and jobs.

Well, one cannot spend what is not in the pocket. I believe the kind of people who are letting Kenya down in terms of spending are middle income earners. Middle income earners, or middle class, are the people earning an income of between 30,000 and 100,000 (that’s according to me, so you better agree with it) shillings. They are usually the most overworked and underpaid members of our blue chip companies. For the sake of this case I will consider the youth (age 25-35) who are middle income earners.

Whenever I hear somebody (especially politicians) say that the youth are the engineers of our future nation I grow darker with exasperation. Let’s face it. With the youth, Kenya will be the ways it is now come the year 2021. With middle income earning youth, Kenya will be much better in the year 2021. I am not saying that the other low income earning and non income earning youth are useless. I am saying they may not be having the capacity to make extraordinary impact on the economy. We all know that even in spot, the team with a player with extraordinary knack takes the day. The problem is that the despite the large numbers that they boast with, the middle class have not made any impact in Kenya..well except on the social media.

The Kenyan middle class are the proverbial toothless dog. Quick on making noise, slow on action. They never make any effort of doing something to make a difference. People will spend hours on the social media criticizing the government and other bureaucracies, churning out ways of putting them on track and that will be it. When a rally or some meeting for a good course is called, they will be safely tucked in their apartments, watching TV while reporting/discussing on the social media. Now that politics is hard for them, why not help improve the economy? 

The middle class can improve the economy if they are persuaded to spend more, on other things apart from food, fare, salon, cloths, alcohol and brothels. Since they are many, it will turn Kenya into a spending nation and that is a fertile ground for economic development. Economic development means improved taxes, improved infrastructure and amenities, improved salaries for everybody and obviously that will have a favorable effect on the purchasing power of the people. The middle class have the ability to spend more than they do right now. It is the upper class who spends a lot in Kenya and they are too few to make any impact.

Saving is never a great idea. Banks will tell you it is great because they want your money to spend it somewhere. Why can’t one save by spending? I guess they call it investing. However I am more concerned about the consumption part. Very few Kenyan go for holidays. Foreigners know Kenyan national parks and beaches better than us. The only tourism most of us have participated in is the compulsory class trip back in primary/high school/campo. If more Kenyans developed a habit of visiting our tourist attraction for instance, government revenue from tourism will double therefore reducing its dependence on foreign debt. More jobs will also be created in the process and in the long term the cost of tourism in the country will come down, eventually enabling more Kenyans to afford it.

That’s how it basically works. When a given commodity is consumed, the government gets more through taxes, the sellers get more income, more jobs are created and eventually the cost of consumption will come down due to economies of scale.

I wish the middle class spent more on these items where possible:

• ·         Holidaying/ tourism, tembea hata Kisii
• ·         Taking car to be washed instead of fighting with the horse pipe the whole Saturday morning
• ·         Sending presents and cards to loved ones, not just success cards
• ·         Using a taxi to travel around town once in a while, do not create unnecessary maskwembe
• ·         Enlist for a gym session, ladies we loath tiles around your waists
• ·         Arranging a get together with friends/workmates/relatives, don’t be such a loner
• ·         Going for movies or plays, wachana na dvd ya 50 bob
• ·         Calling somebody outside the 10pm-10am (for safcom subscribers)
• ·         Going for a medical check-up once in a year (dental check up too), *note to self*
• ·         Having an insurance cover for self and car, wengine hawajui hii ni nini
• ·         For men: buying an extra pair of shoes, hehehe
• ·         Going clubbing once in a while, or twice
• ·         Getting your laundry be taken care of at a cost (ama washing machine) *note to self*
• ·         Buying original CDs for Kenyan musicians, wacha tabia ya jack sparrow
• ·         Installing DSTV in the house, wacha mpango wa kudoea (jimmy gathu voice)
• ·         For men: having a girl friend (prolly one who is still in college)
• ·         Buying mahindi choma and mutura, very nutritious and yummy
• ·         Finally, java and the like are meant to be visited, there are no man eaters in there.

Some of the above points are out just to create jobs for fellow youth. If you will not take your car to that unemployed youth to wash it for you at a fee, he will be starved, turn into a robber and wait for you at you gate as you make your way back from clubbing.

Unfortunately, without proper governance the Kenya I have been dreaming all this time will not be realized. If ever Kenya cut back on the levels of corruption and increased accountability, 2021 will be a year to look forward to. Damn it felt so cool to dream.

Boom box playlist:

A million bucks – Maino ft Swizz Beatz.

Super negro.

"My skin can somehow allow me to see more cells than Stan sees seashells.
I can have the power to inject superhuman strength inside two generations ago…

 As she grips her purse tighter than she’s ever gripped it before, I know that it was my doing.
All minds and all eyes and all hope is on me... in a room where a wallet is stolen.
I can make you pick me for any sport…before you found out that I’m just a poet with seven sisters. However, since you want me to play, how can I own myself?
I am so mature that my face can rearrange in days and change in ways that cops everyday need to stop me and see my I.D…just to make sure I am who I say I am. Except on job applications.
Usually, my majestic self don’t concern with rumors…however, ladies….....
………………..It’s true.
I am not a Republican.
Don’t get surprised at the chance and the dance in ME because this is ME.
Cool to be your driver but not your son-in-law, ME.
I can get you dead presidents as long as I never wanna be one, ME.
Hang on rims, hang on trees, hang up on bill collectors, ME.
Chickens in fear bow when they see ME.
Surveillance cameras always make it their point to see ME.
Justin Timberlake still can NEVER be ME.
And despite all that goes on around me, I just want arms to come around me and hold me…despite what you think I am.”

As narrated by Al B Back on Def poetry.

Boom box playlist:

Thug mansion (acoustic version) – 2pac ft Nas

Things that twitter has taught me

Well, it’s about a year since I actively joined twitter. 12 months (or so) down the line here is the report card of things I have learnt.

News

Through twitter I have come to know the real definition of breaking news. Gone are the days when news used to break into my ears in slow motion. When I say breaking news I mean all news. Not that sonko news you see on TV. The larger the number of people that you follow, the larger the number of reporters that you will have acquired. On a typical day you will get political news, social news, traffic news, accidents (some of them accurately report an accident before it even occurs), weather news, analyses (from actual experts), academic news, rumors, entertainment news, fapping news…and all other news that you might think of. The good part is the news is reported at the instance it occurs. One doesn’t have to pass it through politically incorrect news editors to get approval. Since it has to be reported in less than 140 characters, it is brief and to the point.   

Jgichuru

There is this enfant terrible known as Julie Gichuru. Twitter has a different definition of her. To non-tweeps, she is the citizen TV anchor and head of digital broadcasting at Royal Media. To others she is totally different person. I might run out of adjectives of describing how she makes some people (men & women) feel. She is fondly called head milf. That word means the Moms I Would Like To Forgive-me-for-using-this-bad-word-here. Any negative thing said about her or her abilities in front of the screen is always met by unyielding reproach from most (if not all corners of the tworld). She is monitored wherever she goes. Last time she was tracked up to some interview she was giving at capital fm, needless to say it was fully documented for those who had no radios near them.

Prime ridicule

Twitter is the home of connoisseurs in ridicule, name calling and skinning others alive. If you like spewing dumb things that are mostly against the common grain of people’s thoughts, twitter is not for you. If you insist, then develop a very thick skin. Thicker than the thickest hippo. Or you can as well avoid it completely. If you are a football fan and your team loses over the weekend, you better avoid it for a while. People like kalekye, sonko, Torres, arsenal fans, kalonzo, ‘dumb ass’ Alai have seen their days on the frying pan.

Grammar Nazi

Structuring a tweet to fit the 140 characters limit is not the only woe that one undergoes while tweeting. Thou shall not commit a glaring grammar mistake. Unlike other platforms, you will not be excused for misspelling words carelessly. Of course you will notice your mistake after hitting the tweet button. Before you scuttle to delete it, somebody will have retweeted it for the world to judge how a dim-witted you are.

Awesome bloggers

Tweeter introduced me to the world of blogging. I never understood what it was all about till I joined it. I knew it was done just by actual experts, geeks, professional writers and other kinds of people other than me. I came to notice that anybody can blog. Twitter is the home of some of the best writers Kenya has. These people actually make mind boggling love to words after an extended foreplay, and then later cuddle with them. Reading their work is like watching porn. This inspired me to start my own shamba here! Though my sex with words is not full of intricate techniques, has no foreplay, no cuddling and possibly lasts for 10 seconds, hell I also have sex with words. That’s what matters to me.  

Got to love these elements

Joining twitter requires you to love some entities that the crowd adores. Jgichuru is one of them. Others include Adele, Capital fm, the cipher, Campmulla. You may not like what they stand for but you gotta love them. Or at least know what they are all about. For those who do not know, Adele is some young, slightly plump bri_ish singer who sings slow and boring RnB songs that magically turn out to be actually good for your ears. Capital fm is a Kenyan radio station which has presenters using words such as ‘capirro fm’ ‘mobo phone’ ‘good mening’ ‘sarit center’ ‘juction’ ‘entrance is just 2000 shillings’, ‘twirra’ ‘trip to malindi’ and other alien words to a below average income earning Kenyan. The cipher is a program in capital fm aired on Saturday and Sunday evening playing songs done by people tired of singing or have no singing voice, and so they talk through the songs. Campmulla is not a camp in Maasai Mara. It is a Kenyan music group playing crazy music with a real possibility of putting Kenya on the world map.

Nu words

Of course new words are coined in twitter every day. I will not say what words like cosign, Subaru, fapping…the list goes on...means.  It is the responsibility of one to find out the meaning of these words as soon as possible lest he/she will be floating on the TL all day, and that trust me is very annoying.

Boom box playlist:

Poison - Nicole Scherzinger

The Coolest – Lupe Fiasco

The good men of this universe

Yesterday I affirmed to me what I had been knowing all this time. I revere the sanctity of marriage so much. In fact, I believe I am one of the few guys who might not participate in groin related engagements with your wife despite her constant luring appeals. That stand also applies to your girlfriend. I believe when I will come around to have one of my own, you will keep your distance too. People from Kisii have a pretty uncomplicated and easy to understand way of dealing with people who meddle with their bedroom affairs. It does involve the grim reaper, machete and an unattached body part somewhere in the process. Of course that was a heads up, not a threat.

So back to yesterday. I was traveling to town and happened to sit next to a lady with some kid. Or should I say: I sat next to a kid with her mother. The kid was wailing seriously. I kept wondering what must have been pinching her bottoms with that kind of consistent determination. Being the gentleman and respecter of married women, I kept silent as the screams ate into the strong perseverance layers that I had stashed in my mind. The other passengers must be unfaithful to their spouses. They told the mother to cool her kid down. One of them demanded to know what was wrong with the kid. I mean, who asks somebody’s wife questions about a child he did not father? That’s adultery, ay?

 Even as the kid gave a spirited fight with kicks, most of which I was on the receiving end, I never turned to look at the woman and point it out to her. The mother got more impatient and lashed out a slap. The screams went a notch higher.

With that short trip folks, I confirmed that I passed the I-respect-people’s-property test. I think I should be appointed to work with nuns as the massage therapist or something. (I wonder if that post exists…). They can be assured that my hands will touch with no traces of lustful ambitions; it will be filled with intents of fulfilling the physical requirements of the lovely sisters of the cloak. My pals mistakenly claim am in #teammafisi. Am not. If I am, then am the team’s ambassador in #teamwehavemorals.

Being the good boy that I am comes with lots of trials and tribulations. I was subjected to screams and wails while foregoing the opportunity to vent out my anger. All that was served with kicks which really dirtied my shirt. You see that’s the cost of being good. I am required to take it in with a smile. But the world should be considerate to beings that have chosen this way of life. Please do not let your kid disturb everybody’s already stressed out day with higher than normal noise levels served with kicks that end up making clean shirts dirty. And kids, do not cry in front of adults, some of them bite… That went down as one of my worst 20 min matatu rides. It should take heart because it does not come anywhere near eldoret-kisii journeys (a story for another day).

Boom box play list:

Good man – India Arie.

Feminine woman, where thou art?

Just like any man in this world who does not wear skinny jeans, Natb adores the femininity in our women. I believe it is an asset that God bestowed on them at no price. We (well, I) are getting worried with the woman of today. Maybe I was born a couple of years late, or I am getting paranoid.

It is becoming harder and harder to find a feminine woman, a real feminine woman. Many of them are imposters. I expect a feminine woman to have a feminine character on top of the feminine physical features. Many people laugh at semenya yet they are semenyas in their own way.

Nowadays women do not want to be associated with the kitchen and the laundry basket. According to me these are the areas that bring out the feminine side of any lady. Bumming and acting all lazy has its rightful players. House hold chores have always been done by women (stop with the looks!). With the advent of mboches, no woman wants to be caught cleaning dirty dishes. They forget that mboches are house ‘helps’; theyre supposed to help. Get the dictionary. The more one avoids household chores, the more her femininity diminishes. The more she graduates into a semenya.

Jobs are drawing women from their feminine sides. Women are now taking jobs which require them to fold their sleeves back and engage in bare knuckle fights with men. In the process of kicking, hitting and weave pulling they lose the fundamental values that make them female. They will develop stubbornness and aggressiveness that their better halves have to deal with.

I believe there is a reason why gender roles are stereotyped. Some jobs are clearly meant for men, while others are for women. Of course there exceptions here and there. In 1971, Sandra Bem came up with a Bem gender role inventory that changed everything. She suggested that there was a possibility of a female having masculine attributes and vice versa. Although this was kinda true, people are taking it all wrong. Nowadays others want to be things they can never hack.

Other people may argue that sex is the biggest form of portraying femininity. I object. These days people have sex with anything. Jerry, of boston legal has a relationship with an inflated doll for christ’s sake. To me, sex is as a result of aroused desires, and it does not matter what or who will quench them. A woman is woman enough if she acts all woman. The bible is clear on how a woman/wife should behave. Being submissive, get your dictionary again….sigh. That’s all. 

Boom box playlist:

I'm not dead - Pink