The old rugged
man walked lethargically through the rain into a corner bar, partly hidden by
snow. There were only three revelers in the bar engrossed with their liquor. He
gazed lazily across their faces before heading to a corner where a huge man was
seated facing the wall. I hope you are envisioning that scene in my upcoming
movie. I’m yet to choose a title for it. I think I shall call it ‘Lotsa sex in
fast cars while firing guns’ though it will not be having any of the above. It
is all just to make people buy it.
Apart from
sleeping (the undisputed champion) I realized watching movies is my next favorite
activity. It is right ahead of eating, watching football (now that the football
season is over), reading, partying, going to church, working, listening to music,
reading books, doing laundry, hanging out with friends, and even having sex
(God knows the last time I had some). The bad news about it is that I gain
absolutely nothing. I’m only left with a longing for more.
Just like doing
anything else, too much watching of movies make you a better critic. A good
movie critic will be able to smell a dreadful script from miles away, bad
actors, little or no chemistry between actors, bad production, naivas accents,
tuskeys weaves, uchumi costumes, etc. If one is a good critic then he/she a
good actor and a good movie director/producer. Hence my aforementioned upcoming
movie in which I am the producer, director and the lead actor, (that huge man
in the bar). With all the hunkness and 3Dness, I think I will Ace in this shit.
I do not want to ruin the bouillabaisse.
There are this
bad movie habit that I have developed over time. I have to watch a movie with
ear phones. I guess it is because of my boundless state of solitude. I get all
the moments. That’s how I lie to myself. I fear for my ears. I once met this
guy in a mat who told me that I was spoiling my ears by listening to music all
the time through my earphones. I figured that he was envious, or something. His
youth days had passed without him having to listen to music in a mat. Well maybe
he was saying the truth.
Now that we are
talking about movies today, I went to iMax a while ago to watch avengers. I need
to change my friends. It came into my realization that I have 50 bob DVD
friends. I couldn’t figure how I never knew anybody there. I hereby pronounce
my friendship with all my friends null and void. Please do not give me the You-know-we-went-there-in-a-different-day
crap. Mnirudishie sufuria zangu, socks,
na vitu zingine mliniombanga. Maybe I belong to the 50 bob DVD life with my
friends. I choose to change. We all know the fake it till you make it principle
works. I want to be among the elite Kenyans (that’s what I believe they are),
maybe I might bump into Obako’s granddaughter *wink*.
PS: Somebody
asked me whether I had accomplished any of my many resolutions. Well, I haven’t.
Not even one. Not even fixing my bathroom bulb (don’t look at me like that, it
is extremely complicated and it does not look as bad as it sounds.)
PSS: Last week I
was passing through town and I saw a displaced new generation ID. I was like,
this guy was given an ID few days ago and has managed to lose it? How now? Some
people need to be penalized for such shameful acts. Yeah, fast forward to this
Monday, I had my chance. I never wasted it. How could I? S M H.
Boom box
Playlist:
Muthoni Kifagio –
Newton Karish
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