If you are a fan of ‘how I met your mum’, you must be aware how high Burney values his suits. The dude is literary suited up all the time except, well, when getting laid.
This week one of my longest runs came to an end. For the first time in my life I wore a suit. That marked another of my firsts in my life. It is a reason to be scared because the more you accomplish stuff in your life, the nearer you are to your death. This leaves me with few things that I have never done. For example, Sam Wanjiru accomplished like everything before he died. Just wait and see Messi and the bunch of Spanish football players who have won all trophies… or at least that are what I would hope for.
The day I wore the suit, I found it very rough walking in town. Ladies were all over me, causing traffic jams. I gladly smiled as cameras snapped away. The right honorable prime minister invited me to the Intercontinental for lunch just to be seen together with me in a suit. The city council officials worked unstintingly to clear lady panties that were littered wherever I had passed. The daily papers had a photo of me beaming from the top of a range sports that I had been given as a gift from a rich influential cougar. In the evening, the GSU had to be called to chase girls from my residence with tear gas…….sigh. That’s how I had imagined it would be. Unfortunately (or fortunately) it did not, apart from occasional stares.
I have never understood the excitement behind suits. Some people take it literally that since there are many pockets in a suit, the wearer has lots of chumz. People in suits are given far more respect than those without them. If you step into a Mhindi shop and ask for a gold watch, the Mhindi will give it to you and quote the price outright if you have a suit. If you in a t-shirt, he will tell you; “hiyo tunauza five thousand lakini kuna ingine ya mia nane hapa” he will go ahead and chomoa a fake one from under the counter. Now who told him that you cannot afford the 5k one? And what’s with the unsolicited alternative? I bet people loaded with lots of money are not usually in suits. People in suits (especially those under 28) are overworked and underpaid employees with girlfriend problems (read additional expenses) and probably have just three of them. Now that it is a belief that suited people have money, it becomes awkward when you stand there waiting for the boda boda guy to look for change to give you 5 shillings balance. But again, most thieves and cons have one dress code. A suit.
In other news, I was stuck in a jam along Mombasa road on Thursday and some BMW was besides our mat. Some very beautiful chick was behind the wheels. Probably it belonged to her husband/boyfriend/parents/mpago wa kando/beshte yake. Probably it was hers. That was not the issue. The issue is the amount of stares that she was getting from the people in our mat (yours truly included). Even the driver was ogling too. At one point everybody was looking at her. I think she felt it on her skin. I understand ladies like it when people stare at them that way. Am just hoping the stares did affect her. So ms beautiful-girl-in-a-sleek-BMW, apologies if we trespassed.
In other news, did somebody see honorable Sonko on TV this week? He was leading a group of people in protesting against high prices of flour. So they had packets of flour which they were tearing and pouring on themselves. SMH. You know I will not call sonko mad. I fear that next time I visit a market, mad men might beat me up for soiling their name.
Boom box playlist:
Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
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