It has taken me so long to write something about this war we are fighting in Somalia and the ensuing grenade attacks in this beloved city of ours. Yes WE are fighting the war. The thing is that I might have been a wee bit scared of opening the door to the land of jinxes in the process of saying an indecent word or two to the al shabaab (somebody said people in Kisii call em Al sapapu, I agree). Being one of the Kenyans who pass through Accra road nearly every day, I have this dumb and paranoid speculation that this crowded boulevardcould be a nice place to blow up if ever the al shabaab fancied. My ancestors have this proverb ‘en’goba nero ekomenya’ loosely translated as the scared one is the ones that live. So you know where I get my paranoia from.
So every building, kinyozi, public toilet, kitchen, salon, smoking zone, bar, city hopper and mama mboga’s kibanda has a watch man with some piece of timber to scan your body parts for a grenade or something that may make a grenade for the period you are in that place. I really doubt that it really works. Maybe it does. Ok, it doesn’t. sigh. *shrugs*. Anyway, no place scans people’s asses thoroughly like the NSSF and NHIF buildings at Upper hill. I went to NSSF at lunch time and the queue at the main gate was astonishingly long. The car queue into the NHIF building is always this--------->looong. Sometimes it causes a jam around that kabend. The car owners have to get out, then the watchies search the car as if they have been told that it is right there. These guys check even under the accelerator. They are a single instruction away from dismantling and reassembling the cars. It seems we share a common trait with the big guys in these buildings - getting scared of some nonexistent stuff.
I don’t know how Kenyans are letting these media houses to keep on with this snitching business. The dailies report on everything that the army has done and what it plans to do in the next days. Kwanza daily nation’s front page always has a map with labels showing where our men plan to attack, there are symbols and they even indicate where north is facing. I never read front page stories but I think they must be reporting the tactics to be deployed, time of engagement and the possible escape routes that the militia can use to evade the attacks. All this is currently being revealed to the enemies at a cost of sh50. Apart from conspiring to snitch on Kenyan army, they are conspiring to raise the cost of newspapers. Lucky for them the guys who are good at demonstrations (kina Sonko and his pack of hooligans with widely spaced brains) do not even stop to read newspapers nor do they buy meat. So Rinas Getahe and Boll Melly can have a peaceful sleep.
There is this e-mail that people are forwarding to one another on the precautions to take if one is unlucky enough to find his/her butt near a ready-to-blow grenade (a real one, not the one found in the PM’s office). If you haven’t been forwarded or not yet read it somewhere on the net, then I advice you change your friends and possibly visit the nearest internet branch more often. Internet’s main office is along Moi Avenue. So I was saying about the precautions. These people are asking a lot from us, the victims. You cannot do a tenth of what they are advising before you meet with the grim reaper. They’re saying you lie down with your feet facing the grenade, feet together, hands covering your ears…blah blah. Then they talk about protecting vital organs. To me my vital organ for now is situated in the groin area. Well, am yet to sire a Natb-let, soo that’s rather obvious. I guess my hands (and legs if possible) will instinctively scamper to protect my vital organ. I do not want to imagine myself screaming like that dude in the movie Piranha, as the fish swallowed his, em, vital organ. This means I may not qualify to follow this spam they call precautions to take in case one is unlucky enough to find his/her butt next to a ready-to-blow grenade (a real one, not the one found in the PM’s office).
I take this chance to say that, just like the rest of Kenyans I support our troops in Iraq…er, sorry, in Somalia and I want them to know that we are proud of them. I have no single thread of doubt in my mind that they will defeat the al shabaab and eventually bring peace to this war torn country. Go ahead and crush those ma’gkxv’kers. So sad that there aint oil for us to take advantage.
Boom box playlist:
This is war – 30 seconds from mars
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