With my word page cursor blinking and no words to constitute a post for this shamba of mine, I’m reaching for my earphones. Attaching them onto the laptop and clicking for the windows media player. Its library has 5,610 songs, that’s roughly 404 hours of listening. I need to filter this shit. I type ‘sex’. There are only 14 songs with the word sex? That’s only 69 minutes, I am disappointed. They say a normal human being thinks about sex all the time. Being a normal human being I’m going to listen/think (read engage in) sex for the next 69 minutes.
Being on random, the media player plays sex on the beach by T.Spoon. I’m hoping all the good names had been taken by the time the bloke decided to sing. Anyway, it’s a nice song. It’s been long since I listened to this song. Long since I listened to soul. The lady on the chorus wants sex on the beach. Me too. It’s just that there aint beaches in Nairobi, just bitches.
Next there is a sexy lady riddim called L.O.V.E by bennie man and calibe. Can bennie finish a song without saying zagazagao? I wonder what it means in English. So they are singing about love? I don’t understand love, so I press next. Another sexy lady riddim by Choco called chemistry. I have never liked riddims. Where did I get these from? This girl has vocals. I let her finish describing the chemistry she has with her physics teacher who happens to be her biological brother. Am playing with you, but that was smart, right? All three sciences in sense making sentence.*beams*
Marvin Gaye comes next with sexual healing. Nice. Feels like those songs you wouldn’t mind if they lasted for er, 69 minutes. I wonder what kinds of diseases that are healed through sex. I know of diseases created out of sex. Damn I should have enrolled to study medicine. Maxwell comes on to sing the remix of sexual healing. He mangles it with the help of some Jamaican frog singing the chorus. It comes out like ‘sexual ailing’.
Akon teams up with the lonely island to sing I just had sex. So people sat down to write this song. Smh. I kinda liked the video. They put effort in making it fascinbating now that they did not employ a single brain cell in the lyrics and content. Check this out: ‘have you ever had sex/I have, it felt great/it felt so good when I did it with my penis…’ . it goes on that way. Akon is shoddier in the chorus.
Sexy can I by Ray J and Young berg. I do not know about you but whenever I meet ray j’s name, Kim Kerdashian hastily comes to mind. Do not ask why, go ahead and switch on the lights before you suffocate with darkness. Now that Kim is divorced, how about a season 2 of the Ray Kerdashian sexcapade? If you are of the opinion can I hear you say ayeeeee….
I invented sex, that’s the lie Trey Songz is selling to girls. By the way who really invented sex? Satan…eve…adam…akuku danger…anyone? I think I should bring it up with one of the church elders next Saturday. I wonder whether they will give me a straight answer or splash holy water on my face. Canton Jones has a remix of the same song. This time it’s a gospel track. He says he knows who invented sex. He is advising girls against helping men get laid. ‘don’t rush lets go slow/ it will be time before you know/and let’s get married/baby that’s the plan for the man who invented sex/
R. Kelly and Keri baby are uuu! Uuu! With number one (sex). Go ahead and tell a real kikuyu girl to say: R Kelly really loves Keri. Hehehe, that’s smart too right? The laid back way in which the beats go is jazzing me. I love this song.
Birthday sex. I have never had this in the 23 birthdays I have gone through. It will mean something if I turned 24 happy like Jeremih, ludacris and twista in this song. Luda is crazy. ‘since you like to wrestle am gon pin you to the bed/I have you leaving on a stretcher when I see how far I can stretch your legs’. This December will present another chance for me to sing this part in action. Hehe. Tierra Marie has a remix on this. I know for a fact that she will not leave on a stretcher just by stretching her legs. That girl is fit.
Songa karibu mpenzi you’re so sexxeyyy! Where the hell did these trio go? I hope they are still alive. At least Amani can be found, lakini Patenee (sp)… anyway this is a nice song. They all brought their A game into the song. Next comes sexy back by justin timberlake. Yawns. Press next.
I have no words to describe the nice feeling I get when listening to this next song. Kings of leon – sex on fire. ‘Yeeeah this song is on fiiiirre!’ that’s my own remix, again very smart right? I play it for another time. And another time. I have look for lunch.
Well that about 69 minutes well spent and a post to show for it.
Boom box playlist:
Sex on fire – Kings of Leon
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